When I was young, I monitored my growth by measuring my height against our kitchen’s wall. Overjoyed, I was jumping every time I discovered I grew centimeters taller than the past months. My mother also bought me a vitamin syrup to help me grew taller. In effect, I was one of those who stayed at the end or in the middle of the line at school and never became a front liner; and during New Year’s Eve I was one of those hopefuls that jump high as they could, believing that acting that way would make us grew taller on the coming year.
My dream of becoming taller, however, had a limit, which I made myself. I used to compare my height to my aunts and other women close to my parents. I believed their height was ideal for women since most of them stood the same. I remembered saying to myself that an inches taller than these ladies would be enough. One time, at age eleven, I was very glad to learn that I grew taller and was above my aunt’s shoulder. From then on, I believed that my ideal height was ideal indeed, until I reached second year high school.
In my sophomore year, my fancy thoughts were shattered when I found out that most of my gals grew taller than me. And I had to be on the front line. My feelings became worse when I learned that my aunts and those women close to my parents were all just 5’1 below except of my mother who I believed is 5’2. Insecurity began to cloud my self-confidence. Fortunately, I was one of the best students in class that I was able to shun away my insecurity in height. In fact, even though I stopped growing, I was the Battalion Commander of our batch. Could you imagine a five feet lady commanding 204 cadets? I might be small, but I was terrible.
If I had not reached college I might still believe that I had the ideal height. When I entered Centro Escolar University, however, I met number of ladies who are seven inches taller than me and to make my feelings worse we had the same age. I even saw job advertisements that require women at least 5’2 in height. For god sake I cannot grew taller than 5’, now that I am twenty.
My insecurity in height always haunts me occasionally though I already accepted that I came from a race of small people. The feelings become worse whenever I remember that I once wished of becoming a beauty queen. What calms me is still the idea that I may be small but I can make big things possible. Another consolation I have for myself is, at least I reached five feet and never write in my resume the number four at the height’s question.
Whew! How I wish I never had made that ideal height during my childhood. Thank God there’s Cherefer and Japanese are intelligent people, or else, I will never had a chance.