This is supposed to be a long essay about how I ended up writing online but when I was starting to write the first paragraphs, I realized the story wouldn’t be appropriate to publish in this blog. So I am just going to summarize what I wanted to say.

This has been bothering me for some time now–that I have chosen the wrong field of study to work in. The results of my career test before I went to college was saying that I should take a business related course. In fact, I wasn’t an excellent student in English when I graduated from high school, and my grades in Trigonometry, Physics, Algebra, and other math related subjects were higher compared to my English subject. In fact, the one who got my card when I was admitted to college (for Mass Communications major in journalism course) was surprised to see my grades in these subjects and asked me if I was really sure that I would be taking Journalism. And I said yes.

Well, I just took the course to improve my English and writing skills, and be able to gain confidence against someone I really hated that time. (My ex-boyfriend who was also taking Journalism but in a different school). Now that my angst is over, and I already graduated from college, and now an online writer, I realized that I am still not confident that I will become successful in this field.

But somehow, I think it is just because that I am writing freelance that my insecurity increases everyday.

The other day, I have read this book about freelance writing, written by a Filipina, She mentioned there that deciding to write freelance, without any full time job after graduating from college is such a big commitment. And one will surely lose confidence. And I think I am experiencing the consequences right now.

There are still other factors though how I ended up writing in such a blog like this, but I would rather keep it to myself. What I want now is to recover the skills that I have lost just because I am a frustrated writer.

I am missing math in my life.